The greatest insult is spit. If you have ever been spat on you know.
During the early days of the pandemic, I was unnecessarily afraid of spit terrorists—People who spit on you just to get you sick. I’m sometimes afraid of people spitting on me through the open car window—A road rage loogie.
If you spit on the ground as someone is passing by that is seen as a sign of disrespect. If you unintentionally spit as someone happens to walk by make sure to apologize to that person.
There is nothing more surprising than a nice person hocking a loogie. The horrendous sound of a polite person’s sputum is always followed by a comment from the person walking with them such as “I didn’t expect you to do that.”
Getting spit in the eye feels like the end of the world. But saliva and tears are pretty compatible. You can lick your contact lens if you need moisture when you are out of saline solution.
Spitting is illegal in Singapore where you can be fined up to $1,000 for spitting in public. Considering they outlaw gum this is not surprising. Spit and gum are outlawed because of cleanliness. Do not desecrate Orchard Road. Now that everyone wears a mask it isn’t really a thing.
Exerting oneself with strenuous exercise can result in a buildup of saliva. Spitting in an indoor gym is not recommended as you could slip on the gymnasium floor. Spitting in a pool while doing laps will go undetected by other swimmers and the chorine should take care of it.
Kids love to spit. They learn to spit before they learn to whistle. It’s a natural progression.
A classic comedy bit is the spit-take where you spit out your drink in reaction to something shocking. When I was eight my cousin made my brother laugh and spit milk out of his nose. A nose spit-take is the highest level of comedy when you are eight years old.
I have been spat on by an actor on stage. That is a compliment. That means the actor is working really hard, maybe even enunciating, and they can’t help but spit to get their voice heard.
Being spit on by a baseball player could be an insult or a mistake. If they didn’t realize you were there and needed to empty their Big League Chew or Kodiak Wintergreen saliva and spat on your shoe that would be a mistake. If you yelled at them and called them a fat loser and they aimed their spitooie at your eye, then it probably was intentional and definitely an insult.
If you are sitting across from someone in a restaurant and they are talking with their mouth full and they spit into your open mouth that was probably an accident depending on the conversation you were having. If you were discussing politics or money, they may have done it intentionally. If you were discussing how good that Reuben is then it may have been an unintentional gleek and should be ignored as to not spoil the rest of your sandwich.
If you are kissing and swapping spit, then that’s a sign you are in a good spot with that person—Total compliment. Spit being a natural lubricant can have many positive results unless it’s bad. A bad kisser is a turn off and you should not consider trying to “fix” that person. Have some self-worth and get out of that relationship before it’s too late.
The greatest thing you can do with spit is use it to find a bone marrow donor match. Your swab of spit gets put through a machine and out pops your result. Your bone marrow type gets filed away in a library of spit and when the time is right you may be called to save a life. It’s like winning an Oscar made of saliva and bone marrow. Now that is a major compliment!